East of the Jordan

You are not on the guest list
You are not watching from the front row
You are a brush and a whisper
Telling me things that I don't want to know

You are not one of my crutches
You are the life that allows me to breathe
You are the terror that comes in the desert
And while the dark lingers you wrestle with me

You fight me

With bare hands

My eyes ache

My bones shake

It's morning

I'm pleading

You break me

You leave me

You are not one of my fixes
You are the one thing I cannot let go
Where are the things that I trusted
You are the only place I have a home

You are the friend who disturbs me
Gives me a reason to get out of bed
You are the struggle that stirs me
The sound of your voice brings me back from the dead

Heliac

Oh, you greet me with your soul-defrosting smile at the sunrise
The glare is such that I can barely turn my eyes on you
And you would lead me into all your bright and endless futures
Though I'm compelled and haunted by my trusty point of view

The dim abstractions in my mind
Are less convincing all the time
The day is slowly burning out
The light is trickling homeward now
I smolder with the dying stars
I want to know their tired hearts

To trip the light fantastic at the bottom of the ocean
To turn away from hoping in my hopeless sanity
I do not want to love them in a scientific fashion
But come down with the madness that caused you to care for me

I see you give your light away
But you seem brighter every day
I think that you have got it bad
By love consumed, completely mad
I'm just as well as I can be
Oh, get your germs all over me

Eustace

If I came off put together, it was only by mistake
I'm a ghost inside the armor, too well-fitted to escape
So alone in this skin
I am trapped in my sin
Take me out, strip me down
Say it straight to me now
If I came off put together, that was part of my mistake
Until you are my covering I'll never be okay

Aquarium

I sink down to the suburb
A dead weight in my chest
Approach the house behind the curve
Where I was dispossessed
Into a new reality
I came up from the depths
But it would be the end of me
To let myself forget

The sun could not get past the ice
I'd never seen a world so dark
The water froze across my eyes
But it could only reach so far
The basement would have taken me
The winterkill would be my death
Had you not plunged into the sea
So Jesus, let me not forget

Romans 8:2   Because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death.

Whatever you did not do

The operator on the line informed me darkly
"I believe an elephant is living in your home"
Wanted to believe that she was only joking
Wisely laughed and said to her that I was very much alone

I put down the phone and I picked up my book
A tail brushed my browbone but I didn't look

Oh my goodness, this is rich
My brain must be a giant itch
'Cause all I do is scratch my head
Is it my fault that hope is dead?
Excuse me as I utilize
My hands to cover up my eyes
I killed the moment, dunno why
I hope I get a second try

You were sitting lonely in the back of the room
I was just too cool for that and mostly insecure
You sat right across from me but I stared through you
Squeezing past the elephant, I made it to the nearest door

Oh my goodness, this is wild
I am like a feral child
Just lead me to a clearing where
Your presence doesn't make me scared
I'll get the phone, I'll call my house
I'll pick it up and call me out
Inform me of my elephant
And I will learn to deal with it

Yes, we could talk and enjoy the buffet
But I feel a little too ugly today

Oh my goodness, this is rich
Watch how fast I hit the bricks
Is there a place where I can go
To flee a giant animal?
Excuse me as I utilize
My hands to cover up my eyes
I killed the moment, dunno why
I hope I get a second try

Matthew 25:45   'When you refused to help the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were refusing to help me.'

Yes, We Have Communication Problems But in This Case You Would Be Justified in Calling Me Cruel

We feast on our atrocities
And even silence is a thief
We vandalize our dignity
And speak in knives like enemies
I felled you like a giving tree
Don't read it like a tragedy
Don't be surprised at suffering
And please don't turn those eyes on me
Please

Proverbs 12:18   Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

Cataracts

You nurse as many grudges as your
       chances to obtain them.
Your heart still bleeds from carving up
       the holes where you contain them.
You bandage till you're paralyzed
       with blacklists that you keep.
Your anger blocks the airways
       till you're fighting just to breathe.
I can't live in your paralife.
I'm dying to get out.
I'm sickened by your chronic
       diarrhea of the mouth.
You'd grieve the casualties if you
       could use your calloused eyes.
But all your tears are for yourself,
       and so, for now, goodbye.

Proverbs 27:3   Stone is heavy and sand a burden, but provocation by a fool is heavier than both.

Expectations

You've thrown out your metrics
        and all expectations you had.
The world is too big
        and the sane are the same as the mad.
The wind in your curtains
        is singing you nothing but jazz.

A sucker for chocolate
        but never know what you might get.
You'll stand up and take it,
        and nothing's too much for you yet,
'Cause God is the one thing
        you know you can always expect.

You've torn out the pages
        that hold all your fears about fate.
The unconcerned current
        will carry them far from the lake.
Or they might
        just get lodged
                in a dam and dis
                                          int
                                              e
                                                grate.

Romans 5:4-5   Character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.

Seams

You said a promise is a promise is a promise
I broke it apart and the inside came out
I said that some of them
Just aren't worth keeping
I know that you heard
Do you see what I'm seeing
A thousand little lies have spilled on the ground

Reminds me we're both scared that everything's like this
The sound of the seams giving way underneath
Or is that the ocean
Eroding my eardrums
The waves have no rhythm
At least I can't hear one
I hope that our God can still speak them to peace

The crickets all hush for a waterfront conflict
A stranger dismissed from the gate at the shore
A shadow slumps down
And descends with the water
When the sunrise walks into
The dark of the garden
And darkness can swallow the living no more

Genesis 8:1   God made a wind blow over the earth, and the waters subsided.

Holiness has one name only

Sit with me
Lean on the wall
We're tired of talking
Tired of talk

Look at me
Don't say a word
We can speak colors
Colorful verse

Talk about God

Don't say a word

Smile with me
So good to be here
Don't fight the weeping
Pray with your tears

Talk about God

Talk about God

And don't you say a word

Jesus the one
Jesus the only
Here in our silence
Making it holy

Don't say a word

Janus

Like petulant frost in the passion of June
If I were a bird I'd sing slightly off-tune
I can't be a bottle of watered-down wine
A half-open door till I make up my mind
A firefly dim and contained in a jar
Don't let me be someone with half of a heart
I know you'll arrive by some time yesterday
That's just a bit longer than I want to wait

Matthew 5:8   God blesses those whose hearts are pure, for they will see God.

Strings

We woke to a nightmare of dangling limbs
In a colorless glow of perpetual dusk
Some of the time we were dancing for them
The rest of the time we were gathering dust

Blindsided when I first noticed your strings
I shouted at your wooden ears, "It's not true!"
But I had to fall to the stage to believe
My hands and my knees were as wooden as you

Slumped on the shelf like a pile of rocks
All of my joints and my hinges revealed
I called for the one who first taught me to walk
And asked nothing less than at last to be real


1 Thessalonians 2:4   Our purpose is to please God, not people. He alone examines the motives of our hearts.

De'Angelo

"I really love your glasses."
A week before tonight.
You gave me back my smile, and
I thought you'd be all right.
What I saw behind the lenses
Might have clued me in
With time. But no one's ever told
What could have, would have been.

Thanksmas

Sick of the mud that was under my nails
Of choking and crawling and getting more scared
Couldn't recall how I'd tunneled to there
Or how it had felt when I'd had enough air

You found me stifled by thinking and wondering
With blood on my hands and dirt in my mouth
Could I ever deserve to live above ground?
But deeper than questions you just called me out

I laid down my head on top of your heart
Your life became mine and the tears began
Breathing and being came easy again
And I saw my wounds in the scars on your hands

You named the stars and you gave me a name
You hold me up now like the lights in the sky
Your goodness is raging like fire in my mind
Your love songs have taught me to rest in the night

My love for you, Love, is an expression of yours
The echo of words that you spoke in my soul
The beauty I have is the mark of your own
These beautiful places are now what I know

Be careful what you pray for

The best I could hope
Feels like a prayer
That suddenly woke
And scared me to bits
Wonderful broke
Over the skyline
Smashed me to dust
That swells on the wind
I have to be crushed
To be given a form
I want to be judged
And found needing
That your terrible presence
Obscures me some more
Is the one hope I have
To start being

Balloons

I'm sorry the party has ended so soon
I hear the rain beating down hard on balloons
I think I gave up long before my chance passed
Just dreaming of things that I never should have
I danced for the gods and they granted my wish
It left me a scar, I expected a kiss

I see through the grey to the reds and the blues
Can I say that it's just someone else's deluge
Oh, can I pretend I'm not crushed by disgrace
And the softness and love that I see in your face
And if I turn up at the door where you are
A kiss where I had expected a scar

Dad

Darling, in your frightened state
Don't worry we will separate
Come back and find you're still alive
Better naked than dressed in lies
And darling, you can't know
        (I turned, you didn't see me)
Your face was at the window
        (You watched as I was leaving)
My eyes became so blurry
But I could see you clearly
I wanted you to hear me:
My darling, don't you worry

Note to a loved one

If your writers go on a coffee run
you'll be trying not to breathe in
you'll be choking out silent letters and
if you're anything like me then
you'll put your happy memories all in a bottle
you'll turn to see them drifting off on the water
and you'll watch as you lose your last friend
and soon you'll be writing the end.

You won't even find your hanging rope
but someone will throw you a line and
then you will feel the pressure of hope
when hope is a flood in your mind and
across the ocean floor he will write of his heart
so that you begin aching to get in that far.
You can hope to start hoping again if
you don't panic and if you don't swim.

Erythraeum, pt II

I wait by the water and stare at the sea
The light on the water is glaring at me
Surprised when the breath of the desolate east
Treads dry on the edge of an unmoving sea
It shakes like it sees something coming
Or I'm making believe and it's nothing
This has got to be where I start losing my mind
I cannot really stare into something this bright
But in all of my dreams you are waking me up
So fall on the water that waits between us

Doors

Did you think you were meant for a room with no doors
We found you without ever knocking
We could never have made you or kept you around
Couldn't have everyone talking

Did it take you a moment to adjust to the truth
The human one that we have told you
When the dark flooded in and you felt the first touch
Did you really expect it to hold you