Under my skin

I have a history of second-guessing almost everything I feel and think.

Guess what? Life sucks when I am like that.

So now think about the old shirt that you won't throw out because it has become so comfortable. Or the black silhouettes of trees outside my window, the latest great food you discovered, the sound of piano music, the damp smell of dirt and new leaves in early spring. I mean my nephew's tiny feet running across the carpet. My nose frozen from walking out in the cold, my fingers thawing when I return, the neon green numbers on the microwave, and the shadows cast by a series of lampposts outside in the park.

Remember the handwriting of the people you love, their voices, their faces, the ways they move, their unique ways of being in the world. Think of the exhilaration of being chased in a game of tag, the relief and mad joy of being fully forgiven for hurting one of the people who mean the most to you.

I mean how it feels to be in my grandparents' basement with my little brother. I mean my older siblings joking cryptically with each other. I mean the act of breathing, late afternoon walks, the heat of the sun on your face, the pleasure of a gardener as he works, the woman who greets you when you walk into Wal-mart, the arms of a father rocking his baby, and that person in your life who somehow makes everybody feel welcomed and important.

I mean deep shades of blue-violet and pastel pinks and startling reds, the bright expressive patterns on an African tunic, stars in a clear black sky. I mean the reassurance, as I fall asleep at night, that God is with me, deeply in love with me, and listening hard as I pray for a fresher heart.

Lately, stuff has been getting under my skin and I am not doubting it. I will not suspect that the feeling is only the temporary emotional side effect of my perception-- not when something so huge is going on. I will not shrug off the fantastic presence of beauty when I meet it (that is to say, when I meet Him).

It seems cruel to load a couple of theoreticals onto someone with no effort to give them substance. So I wrote down some examples of beauty I have known. I hope you can relate to them. But I realize that no one sees exactly the same things as anyone else. If you have anything you want to add, I would be more than happy to see it in the comments.