1 comments, continued

Re Kelly's post:

You're right to point out that almost nobody is really that pleased with their own looks. But the catch is unfailing-- when people are kind and I start to feel a little safer, something happens to make my stomach plummet and I may even get that strange pain in my chest... possibly some joke that came across the wrong way, or a comment he surely would not have made, had he thought a bit more, and suddenly it's like I'm the only person in the world with this problem. You're right: the trouble is in our focus. The trouble is not that I'm believing the wrong people, but that I am believing people. The only one who's always, always, always going to know the truth about me is God.

Thank you for encouraging me on the "job dedicated to helping people" front. I am really shocked, over and over again, at the way some people love and even respect me. It will never make sense to me, but it gives me the push I need to take risks and do what I can. They see things that are hidden to me. I suspect that's how it's meant to be for all of us.

"You get lots of tickets when you talk." Ha ha. Thanks. :) Truth is, though, you do too. You're just a little less abtruse.

About the expectations and being myself... I'm learning. I just regress sometimes.

What drugs am I using? Primarily an ancient depressant known as REM.

Maybe you're going to have to get me into Lost. If we have that kind of time.

Things do change really fast, don't they? I've recently seen it in Jordan. Wondered where my little brother had gone. And God reminded me that I had made those same transitions and then some more. It helps me see the whole thing, including my own future, in... perspective. Yes, Jenny will probably have kids by the time I get married, if I do. And what you said about me being a mother-- I hope you believe that for yourself.

Funny, all those thoughts about planes are ones I've had.

Nice bit about comets. :)

I hope you'll excuse the raised pitch here but YOU DO NOT HAVE A BUTCH VOICE. Honestly, I have tried to wave away many an envious thought on the subject. I like your voice.

Thanks for not minding my singing too much.

"I swear, kids do not like me." = Almost verbatim what Justin always said before Brayden came. Now, freed from the death grip of fear because this is his own child, he's ridiculously loving and Brayden loves him ridiculously. When the baby is at our house and Justin's jingle comes on the radio, Brayden searches the room in excitement, eyes wide, head still wobbling a little bit. Don't you remember yourself in NY? Kids will like you if you talk to them. Maybe for a while (like me) you'll have to be in the right sort of situation so you don't feel awkward, but I know we can both get past that.

You are not too intellectual. Here and there your analyses may cast a long shadow that makes some people feel uncomfortably like a Dorothy Gale who just landed in Oz. There is nothing wrong with that. As long as you shun arrogance, treat people with grace, and choose to see the beautiful-mysterious side of things as well, your practical intelligence will be a blessing.

I mean, my somewhat analytical personality helps me. When I was a kid, a friend tried to tell me that "people who ride bikes are not as good at running." As though biking is bad for your stamina. I guessed she was telling me some distorted outgrowth of the fact that biking and running use different muscles. 'Cause I have to think about why stuff is the way it is.

"Don't confuse laziness with not constantly adhering to what everyone else things you should be doing." Thanks.

"You can't help but change. You are alive." You're right.